I want to yell

loudly as i can

The sound waves must travel 

In infiniteness of time

So every generation can hear my outcry

My brain itches badly

To scream 

Shout! Shout! Shout now!

For heavens sakes

But these eyes can hear can only long for such  love of my voice 

No courage …

Not even remote desire in my ever analyzing mind to just go ahead and do it already 

So i sit frozen on my sofa

Agitated irritated and anxious

I need to grow balls 

Just one pair of it

Oh i forgot i am a woman

So even hypthetically would suffice 

But what can i do in my pleasong selfish nature of happy unhappy modes

I know




Honour, pride, esteem, dignity,
By the time you’d opened your eyes little child,
The only thing you would remember – self-preservation

The first four letters are torn out of your memory
By your own loved ones
By the time you could start speaking

Economics of love is self gratification at its best
The supply of others sacrifices and violations should always
Outweigh your own

Animal…yes you my child,

Don’t let your family brain wash you into
Don’t lie, be honest, talk straight, be nice and kind to others
love, care for others and love God and life after death crap

You already know self preservation
What they are saying is to cover your self preservation
With these elaborate hocus pocus

Yeah man be in style when you fuck others that’s all

If you can remain focus on this very fact
Not a blink unfocused
You will be all right

That’s how one gets Dignified here


The Claimants

The Claimants

Good for 

Youvcan cover your dark soul

With this skin


No matter who you are

Where you are born 

You are the claimant of Supereme Being 

By dominance 

You are the claimant of existence of God(s)

Then annihilated the races of species calling them auch names a vicious savages etc…

Good work mankind!



“Thank you 

With all my sarcasm

Bitterness anger and hatered

I hate men

For not once i beleived in you

So i reluctantly followed your ways

I allowed myself to love you

One two three as many contenders uncoumtable

I shut the doors on them..just

To believe in you

I wrote poems for you

I wrote letters to you

But never ever i beleived 

So i did what anyone does

I kept my old ways on 

just never told you…hidden

To protect myself…

But slowly transcending

In trying to believing in you

I did everything 

That you recommended 

I believe i gave my self 

In every which way i could


Its never enough

I felt unworthy

I felt I can 

never reach

your expectations

And you make me feel

 Always let you down

I cant keep up 

With your nondemanding demands

It was never enough 

Never for you

I hate you 

I hide from you

 i don’t want to

But i dont want to 

go through 

your probing questions

I am not on trial damn it

I hate myself 

For i knew you are my biggest mistake

I am back in my cyber world

I always run there 

To relieve my self 

Where only me and my monsters live the way i dictate 

Me my hands my body my mouth my way my time

Real people you all are outrageous 

I will never forgive you

For what i did to myself 

I hate you for knowing that

I am always right about you

Sons of bitches

I exposed myself to you 

Everywhich way possible

Its not enough 

It will never be 

Yes you are the worst unfuckable of all

Your hunger is un fed able 

Your thirst is in satiable

Ok umm

Fuck you

You really don’t care”
In the beginning I told you that

I am the master villain … above all

I am The Saturn facing your constellation in the moon…The Shani .. The Destroyer

Fade fade more slowly then rapidly then gone…

I am indeed that monster…i will always reside in your mind…forever n ever

The Light

The Light 

Every day I wake up not knowing what I will do. Not just whole day or next hour or in the morning. A STRUGGLE that has totally occupied me and made me aware of my senseless living. It’s how it is. Everyday. What will I. do today and the mind is as empty as the brightest star’s light. Then when I finally have this black dot of doing something in this brightest light of nothingness, immediately confusion sets in, eyes go inside, becoming unfocussed, pointlessness sets in ringing in ears makes confusion even more. I find myself staring at things and then thoughts just merging with the brightest light of this nothingness mixing light and that fuzzy dot that wants me to do something productive today. I EXIST…daily in that brightest light of nothingness. YES all of you can percieve me as that energy. YOU can’t come closer to the sun without disintegrating …be ready to burn melt and vanish … That’s what the light makes me think of myself.

The Person I am

The Person I am

So you think you know me 

From unreachable distances

I cast my persona 

All knowing and all encompassing 

So you think you know me

Till you bring down and up the depths and heights of your courageous self

Then a bigbang

This … this you thought of god like 

This the coward pest of a man

This is my biggest mistake 

So… I dont wonder anymore 

Not even with you 

I am that pest

A buzzing annoying mosquito 

People just wanna squish 

Come closer fomd the demons 

Or the demon you alwqys safeguraded yourself from

Like a fly in the web you are stuck 

The man I will never be

The person I am

Is the nightmare you can never wake up from

You are drawn to everything about me that is wrong

I dont have to do anything

This is the person I am

Everyones biggest mistake