So Gentle, You

If you are gentle as a breeze as you claim
Then why are your words piercing like arrows,
full of blame
Reeks havoc and your life’s sorrows?

Your warm heart freezes and smokes cold
That ice’s heat burning
Breaking my threshold
In your stomach butterflies turning.

No, none you want and you don’t need none
Your never promising word
Nor Soothing! Your claim my heart will earn
Pushing me away listing to me unheard

Hi# 38: The Obvious #4- The Rage of Ones Existence – Milestone 3 – Journey

I begin everything with my  Truest IntentionsHumble Insights

Hi# 38: The Obvious #4

The Rage of Ones Existence

Milestone 3 – Journey

When no one tells you
How to protect yourself
Nor do they protect you
When you were beaten as a child
As you tried to stand up and protect yourself
When your own parents were the abusers
Who gave everyone,
Your relatives and your neighbours and every stranger
Free hand to abuse you
Physically, Emotionally, spiritually and sexually

When you lost hope as a child completely
When you tried to shelter yourself in the shadows
Of faith and religion
Among your teachers
Or So called friends
And all you got was more abuse
Then the foundation of Rage has just been poured
In your heart, mind and soul
Sealed forever your true self
Who you really are.

That is never your fault
You knew from day one
The day when things should have made sense for you
Noncomparingly, Uniquely, lovingly
But it didn’t
Cos you were thrown in this reward and punishments
Where punishments weighed more
In the world of comparisons and scarcities
Control and greed
And when you tried to adapt
You were shaken, beaten and abused
Over and over again
“Be good, be good,” beaten each time with words
“How dare you!” and “Who do you think you are?”
Slapped, and pinched and wooden sticks broken
On your hands and chest and back
Then,
The disappointments ever increasing
You wish for once this ever stop
So you become the Pleaser
The Fear sets in
You wish for once they could see the love in you
The longings in you

You wish for once they see
You want to be felt “needed” by others
You would do anything for them
But all goes in vain,

This is your life how you are growing
Each haunting day challenging than the first
And you get used to it
Numb and hardened of your own existence
Your grip, your walk, your breath, your talk
Violated with violations of ages of your being

This is how you grew up
Deceived, violated, cheated, spat on,
Not even oppression is described as yo’ve grown

Then can anyone judge you how you behave
What you do or did?
Did they know your past?
Do they even care
With others they compare
Where you were broken in millions of pieces
How will you sort your own trillion pieces jigsaw puzzle?
In the scattered abuse of the ones who are supposed to love you,
Or care for you?

Yes they have paralysed your mind as a child
Each day now that you are grown up
You feel that in your body
In your mind
Useless
Unfocussed
Unambitious
Uncaring
Unliving
Heartless
Brainless
Zombie

You will be mistreated throughout your life
Judged and compared
Heads will be shaken in disgust for your existence
But they are all gown ups too
So they wont say anything now
They fear your wrath
Which they don’t Know
You have no sense of
Since in your childhood it was beaten out off of you
Yes the ability to stand up for yourself was wiped out of your life
Like they do in the military boot camp
Break you, shatter you in microscopic pieces and then instead of re-transforming you
They Leave you amidst the jungle of greedy, cut throats, back stabbers

Each day like stupid you wake up and smile
With affirmations and fall flat on your existence
Each day
Same thing
Over and over again
Knowing how people look at you
Think of you
Knowing that this is no more a paranoia
Some even pointing out your insanity
Others quiet,
Knowing your predictible unpredictablities

Your mind
Disappointed
Your actions still trying to please others
Your soul wretched
You reminders for yourself each day
Meaningless and you know it
You are good for nothing
Filled with rage of unprotected past and its future existence
You give up but you still breathe
Meaninglessly
You still breathe

This is the biggest Rage
No philosophy
No healer can heal

You are the Rage
The obvious insane rage
Whose existence is for others amusement
And for others to shit on you

This is how your God whoever you think that God is or is not
Has chosen your Journey
Can you change it?
Can you collect your million pieces and be Unique?
This is not a failure
This is not your fault
But can you see all that?
Can you ignore the Rage in yourself?

Or this is is how you will keep accepting yourself?
Outraged, overwhelmed, edgy, angry, irrational
Living in your painful existence
Now volunteering yourself for others to abuse you
Thats all you have known

There is no difference in your childhood and now
Except one
Now you know
Now you understand
Now you can Act against it
To collect your million pieces
Scattered in the journey of your past

Or to demolish yourself
And reconstruct yourself
In your own faith
This is now your Choice
You are the Revealer now
The Lord of your own wretched Universe
Your own Pleaser

Do you have that strength
To forget about the million abused pieces
You glued your existence with?
And trying to fill your voids
With unknowns, untrustworthy friends and partners?

Do you have soul and spirit
To reinvent your universe
With new kind
Knowingly that only you can rebuild yourself
This time in your own Lordship
Inviting only the people who truly care for you
And not blindly as a Pleaser?
But carefully, testing them over and over again
The ones who love you and walk with you to re-build you
And not the ones who have only oppressed you.

What is this rant you ask?

That Rage from the past is obvious
The people who were responsible for it all gone is obvious
This rage that you can cast out is obvious as well
The strength to mercilessly ruin yourself is obvious
The strength to give up is obvious
The hope to reconstruct yourself is obvious too
The perseverance that is required is even more obvious
The falling out of your Journey and be stuck in the oblivion is obvious too
Hence the Choices are your own
Owning up to them or not is your Element

Believe and collect yourself
Or die in vain

Hi# 37: The Obvious #3- The Wrong – Milestone 3 – Journey

I begin everything with my  Truest Intentions

Humble Insights

Hi# 37:

The Obvious #3

The Wrong

Milestone 3

 Journey

 

What is “The Wrong?”

Do you know what “The Wrong” is?
No matter what you do is wrong
What you say is wrong
Wrong is the opposite of “How”
How you do,
How you say
or How you perceive.

Wrong is “What” and “Why” of things and intentions
So do you ask What or Why?

When, How simply can you ask How?
And The Wrong shall be forever gone

Those shall become your Actions,

Indeed,

Those who know how,
Have surely reached their destinations
In their Journey

Those whose Intentions are True guidance
They are made apparent to the HOW.
They never care for Whys and Whats.

But then these are the matters of your Choices.
How you want to become Master of Yourself.
By paying heed to others comments or
By Travelling the road?

Then Fear not your Day of Judgement

Certainly, your own Uniqueness in your Choices
Transforms your Journey.

The Oldest Utility In Our DNA That If Missing Displaces Our Humanity And Its Best Practices.

Humble Insights

The Oldest Utility In Our DNA That If Missing Displaces Our Humanity And Its Best Practices.

Sometimes I wonder that utilities like cell phone, gas, or  water coming from plumbing pipes that we can’t fathom our lives without. These technological air that we feel we can’t breathe without, these internets and laptops and tablets when we are away even for a second we feel empty.

So what if, what if GOD was that very such invention? The utility to improve our minds and our bodies and our spirits. Then, like new technology evolution,  revolutionary Versions like Apple and Samsung and Philips and Sony, you know what I mean, started popping up, Like Versions of religions Rama, Buddha, Moses’ god and Jesus and God of Mohammad. Branding! All versions of same ancient utility that after thousands of years has become part of our DNA, our Genome.

You see, for one day, just for only a day, if you are not with power, cell phone, internet, or text message, you feel inconvenient, displaced, distracted, and the whole life disrupted.

Imagine then if the thousands of years old utility GOD is missing for even one day within you, what are you supposed to feel? How are you supposed to feel? Edgy? Lost? Confused? Damned? Like a Devil? Lol, Dunno right?

Now we can identify the ones who don’t believe in that utility. To those who utilize God to them the ones who don’t utilize God would seem LOST, backwards, heathens, etc..etc… Hmm!!

But we all live together. we all don’t have cell phones and laptops and internets in other parts of the world. That does not make us backwards, or underdeveloped or whatever the names are there to call such people. They still are people. We don’t kill others because they prefer samsung over an apple product. But we do feel empowered with the utilities we utilize ourselves. A sense of false pride superficially imposed by the BRAND we use.

This is the power of the oldest utility in our DNA that if missing displaces our humanity and its best practices.