Hi# 38: The Obvious #4- The Rage of Ones Existence – Milestone 3 – Journey

I begin everything with my  Truest IntentionsHumble Insights

Hi# 38: The Obvious #4

The Rage of Ones Existence

Milestone 3 – Journey

When no one tells you
How to protect yourself
Nor do they protect you
When you were beaten as a child
As you tried to stand up and protect yourself
When your own parents were the abusers
Who gave everyone,
Your relatives and your neighbours and every stranger
Free hand to abuse you
Physically, Emotionally, spiritually and sexually

When you lost hope as a child completely
When you tried to shelter yourself in the shadows
Of faith and religion
Among your teachers
Or So called friends
And all you got was more abuse
Then the foundation of Rage has just been poured
In your heart, mind and soul
Sealed forever your true self
Who you really are.

That is never your fault
You knew from day one
The day when things should have made sense for you
Noncomparingly, Uniquely, lovingly
But it didn’t
Cos you were thrown in this reward and punishments
Where punishments weighed more
In the world of comparisons and scarcities
Control and greed
And when you tried to adapt
You were shaken, beaten and abused
Over and over again
“Be good, be good,” beaten each time with words
“How dare you!” and “Who do you think you are?”
Slapped, and pinched and wooden sticks broken
On your hands and chest and back
Then,
The disappointments ever increasing
You wish for once this ever stop
So you become the Pleaser
The Fear sets in
You wish for once they could see the love in you
The longings in you

You wish for once they see
You want to be felt “needed” by others
You would do anything for them
But all goes in vain,

This is your life how you are growing
Each haunting day challenging than the first
And you get used to it
Numb and hardened of your own existence
Your grip, your walk, your breath, your talk
Violated with violations of ages of your being

This is how you grew up
Deceived, violated, cheated, spat on,
Not even oppression is described as yo’ve grown

Then can anyone judge you how you behave
What you do or did?
Did they know your past?
Do they even care
With others they compare
Where you were broken in millions of pieces
How will you sort your own trillion pieces jigsaw puzzle?
In the scattered abuse of the ones who are supposed to love you,
Or care for you?

Yes they have paralysed your mind as a child
Each day now that you are grown up
You feel that in your body
In your mind
Useless
Unfocussed
Unambitious
Uncaring
Unliving
Heartless
Brainless
Zombie

You will be mistreated throughout your life
Judged and compared
Heads will be shaken in disgust for your existence
But they are all gown ups too
So they wont say anything now
They fear your wrath
Which they don’t Know
You have no sense of
Since in your childhood it was beaten out off of you
Yes the ability to stand up for yourself was wiped out of your life
Like they do in the military boot camp
Break you, shatter you in microscopic pieces and then instead of re-transforming you
They Leave you amidst the jungle of greedy, cut throats, back stabbers

Each day like stupid you wake up and smile
With affirmations and fall flat on your existence
Each day
Same thing
Over and over again
Knowing how people look at you
Think of you
Knowing that this is no more a paranoia
Some even pointing out your insanity
Others quiet,
Knowing your predictible unpredictablities

Your mind
Disappointed
Your actions still trying to please others
Your soul wretched
You reminders for yourself each day
Meaningless and you know it
You are good for nothing
Filled with rage of unprotected past and its future existence
You give up but you still breathe
Meaninglessly
You still breathe

This is the biggest Rage
No philosophy
No healer can heal

You are the Rage
The obvious insane rage
Whose existence is for others amusement
And for others to shit on you

This is how your God whoever you think that God is or is not
Has chosen your Journey
Can you change it?
Can you collect your million pieces and be Unique?
This is not a failure
This is not your fault
But can you see all that?
Can you ignore the Rage in yourself?

Or this is is how you will keep accepting yourself?
Outraged, overwhelmed, edgy, angry, irrational
Living in your painful existence
Now volunteering yourself for others to abuse you
Thats all you have known

There is no difference in your childhood and now
Except one
Now you know
Now you understand
Now you can Act against it
To collect your million pieces
Scattered in the journey of your past

Or to demolish yourself
And reconstruct yourself
In your own faith
This is now your Choice
You are the Revealer now
The Lord of your own wretched Universe
Your own Pleaser

Do you have that strength
To forget about the million abused pieces
You glued your existence with?
And trying to fill your voids
With unknowns, untrustworthy friends and partners?

Do you have soul and spirit
To reinvent your universe
With new kind
Knowingly that only you can rebuild yourself
This time in your own Lordship
Inviting only the people who truly care for you
And not blindly as a Pleaser?
But carefully, testing them over and over again
The ones who love you and walk with you to re-build you
And not the ones who have only oppressed you.

What is this rant you ask?

That Rage from the past is obvious
The people who were responsible for it all gone is obvious
This rage that you can cast out is obvious as well
The strength to mercilessly ruin yourself is obvious
The strength to give up is obvious
The hope to reconstruct yourself is obvious too
The perseverance that is required is even more obvious
The falling out of your Journey and be stuck in the oblivion is obvious too
Hence the Choices are your own
Owning up to them or not is your Element

Believe and collect yourself
Or die in vain

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