Fertilizer

FERTILIZER

There is something seriously wrong with me
I never knew,
I can’t relate to anyone
I cant fathom the rush
The fear
The putting down
The tonalities
I cant understand the hidden meanings till few days later
Even then after so many days I wouldn’t know how I even suddenly understood
How hurtful they were to say such things
At first I thought I am just being paranoid,
Being touchy
Being too sensitive
Then repeatedly from different people
Close or acquaintances
Strangers or not
All did the same

Then somewhere I read
If every one is behaving the same way with you
Then its not them<
It’s you

But what is it
Why people look at me this way
Or talk to be harshly?

Then One day I was told by long lost friend
I admired the most
After a long time when we met again
“Hey man! There is something wrong with you
We always put up with you”
You never get it do you.

Never, Never ever had I heard such hurtful things
From someone I truly admired

But one thing was for sure,
Something must be wrong with me.
His words got to me.
Arrows in the heart

At times I felt I am losing my mind
Then I went out and saw craziness even beyond my own

The way people drive, the aggression, the passiveness,
The smiles with hidden meanings
The blandishments with hidden purposes

These fights for more, these issues to control others
This greed to be number one at any cost
I still cant understand
This so called making a purposeful life
Do something with a meaning, a purpose
And when I see the hearse
Carrying the person who never took
That purpose with him/her
I wonder about this farce ideas

I can never get it
I am unable to join this force, this team
Oh I have tried, I have tried
I have done things purposefully
All to no avail

Because the voice within
Keeps screaming at all of us
WTF WTF WTF are you doing to me

I can’t take revenge
I can’t return the favour
I can’t compete with you to be number one
I can’t violate you because it pleases me

I can do all that but I choose not to
I have tried and all it does is bring sham
I have created purposes and become very successful
But I have also seen others getting hurt, jealous, envious
Drawing weapons to put me down so I never grow
Never succeed, never be able to do anything
Sanity has no measures,
No one is insane, but no one is sane either

But No matter what I won’t take any of this
The mortician treats me as another dead body
Shaking heads and thinking
Another one bites the dust

There are no magic words
No humility
Just poses, characters to play
Depending upon who is in front of us
In a given day
Between the day
I am born and the day I will die

I am indeed a
Source of good Fertilizer

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