Who Owns Me

My pleasant nature
My shyness
Innocence disposition
With anguish hands
Waving goodbye
To my sanity
At my minds departure

Who owns me
Who owns me
A little piece
Or a chunk
In your hands
In your lives
Who owns me

If not me
If not you
Then my memories
Tangled and lit
Pieces of me with you
Our times together
But shed them all away
Unwantingly putting to rest
So easily

Who owns me
With my monsters
But my mind
Faster and faster
Spinning to reject
Or overcome
Subsiding all that’s around
One by one rationality
Seize to exist
I see it flee

Rambles and stutters
Irritations and blockages
Empowered paranoia
Frustrations with rages
Overwhelming bursts
Outrageous yellings
Swears and curses
Snap snap and uncontrollable
Words it utters

Who owns me
If not me
These actions
Desperation and depressions
Irrationalities of my existence
Denying normalacies of you
In confusions
Lost in my slavery
I laugh at my mind’s chains
Wholeheartedly and free

If you are sane
Normal and not vain
Then what am I?
If you are happy with
Stresses and depressions
Of life’s rat races
Pushing and shoving
Pulling and burying
Again and agian
Then I must be in pain

I asked myself
Who owns me
And I see
My pieces
Reaching out from within
All of you
I cant escape
So I deny
And live by
And away
Hiding and placing
Breaking and making
Decorating my heart
With my minds creativity
Who will own me
Next
I have a place for you
Right here
On my new shelf

Battery Life 45% – SMART LIFE CARE

Sometimes, no matter how much I charge myself reading all these uplifting authors here on WordPress, the poets, and inspirational gurus with the formulas of life or even the psychiatrist so called friends with free and friendly diagnoses of me upon my tireless insistence for the diagnoses, I feel chargeless with battery life and on power saving mode with almost barely visual life screen. Such as on my smart phones and smart devices.

Yes most of us knows this. Nothing works. Except that intolerable mood of feeling nothingness. Draining, exhausting, head spinning , foggy mindset.  No religious rituals, no yoga, no zen, just true selfless existence. And immediately our brains start comparing our nothingness with artificial busy-ness of others as productivity and non-productivity. Getting sucked into more depressive and pointless thoughts.  Do you know why? Because I am going to share my why here:

SELF AWARENESS BY COMPARISON
I want to call it Battery life 45%. This 45% battery life is self awareness of outer world by comparison.

              Why am I not able to do this at all, while others seems
to be able to do it so easily? How many times will I have to try?
How come they did it once and it works? Why can’t I? I am so tired

Yes we all know the feelings.

SELF UNAWARENESS BY DEFAULT
Then is started realizing this nothingness to be more true. This is who we are. We just never are attracted to artificial training and recharging of BATTERY LIFE 45%. I noticed that SELF AWARENESS to be my true self which others may have been able to hide to stay 45% powered in this economics of life.

SO WHAT Do I DO?
So now after realizing I have two awareness, I learned to practice on both the awareness.   My so called void is 55% me. My battery life 45% is induced environment. I am more empowering on myself than others. I want the shift from 55% to 45% and vice versa whenever I want to, without feeling or putting myself down.

I started making small note on my smart phone. And I will check the battery life as my anchor to know how it represents my inner and outer mode. I relate my smart phones battery life as an indicator of my daily and hourly awareness life. When I see battery low on my smart phone I must recharge it to keep it at 100% for both awareness.

MANTRA
My charging plugs (Mantra) for inner 55% of true awareness’s  and Battery Life 45% are:

Be easy and be kind to myself. Embrace Myself however I am charged.
And stay kind to myself.
So when I am about to be involved in a challenging 45% worldly mandatory awareness
I make a timeless note for the day. My daily accomplishment database of
Things to survive on-
Breathing deeper and fuller for 10 minutes in a place I love to be in my mind after every few hours
Eating meals that are pallet happy and sensory happy
Making use of smart phone for reminders of same things via reminders at least 9 times a day
Embracing that whatever I remind myself will become part of my 55% and replace 45% and
Recharge me 100%.
In small tasks, in small intervals
I truly avoid people who don’t value my time
If a doctor says 11:50am appointment they better see me at 11:50am.
Here is why: If they can’t value or respect my time and make me wait, they surely can’t (Inability due to absence of respect for themselves) take care of my health.
This goes for every professional you hire to do the job you can’t do.

SUMMARY
Walk out and away from such battery draining people in your life. Find others.

People are like apps. Some apps use your battery life more than others unnecessarily, or invade privacy, or create phishing viruses. Uninstall them out of your smart life. Pronto!
They make your smart life full of unwanted battery drainage.

Install App Managing device in your head by monitoring yourself. The Remove these Apps by uninstall app in your mind.

Your life is like a smart phone with irreplaceable battery.  When battery dies life dies.
Protect from over drainage and over usage. Prevent from Over heating.

Install useful apps
Uninstall battery draining or burdensome apps
Keep your screen and smart life at 100% Battery life.
Charge your Battery daily.
Keep the Smart Life virus free by protecting it with firewalls.

Peace for me and you all.

 

 

 

Ali It’s So Hard To Be You

It’s not easy
Not for a day
Or an hour
Or a Minute
Or a moment
To be me

But I had to figure
All this out by myself
Alone
Stumbling
Falling,
Creeping
At this age and just bigger

Could have told me, yes you
You the ones who claimed
To have loved me, lovers and friends
Or still claim to love me
Did you not see my blindness
Didn’t you know I had no clue

No its not you whom I blame
But you could have said
You could have warned
Or alerted
Or even scolded
Ali!!!! it’s so hard to be You

You could have loved me
Better
Cared for me to
As you know how to
For yourself
But it’s so hard to be me

I wouldn’t have
Cornered myself
Or stayed aloof
Or hated myself
Unknowingly, asking why?
Then laugh and cry with sorrows encave

Yes I know, It’s not easy
Not for a day
Or an hour
Or a Minute
Or a moment
To be me

Now you tell me
Ali, It’s so hard to be you…
Head shakes and body gestures
I kept wondering why
Why do you let go
Once, just once tell me before you go

Your More than hidden words
Taunting remarks
With Unkind Actions
Neglects and
Ignores
I now understand all those deliberate swords

Ali, It’s so hard to be you!

Vine

I’m not that tall erect tree that gives you shades
Or green shrubs for soothing eyes
Where when sun shines the light it filters it and fades

I was not made that way,
I felt I kept crawling, licking dirt
mud and puddle dark and gray

I, clueless of my identity
drowned in my sorrows
A joke to look at no serenity

So I thought, before I met you
Who was I, If not a tree, if not a shrub,
Not fake, or wrong, not right not true

Each day you touched me and you led
I felt your touch, far and wide
Within me, my monsters cried and out they fled

I saw my beauty within me smile
I felt my extensions infinite
Each time you loved me forever and while

And all my senses lit up, awakened perfect and fine
And an epiphany erupted in heart and mind
You showed me, I wasn’t a tree, I am this amazing vine

Yes I crawl in mud and dirt and spread
Yes I can’t ever be erected mighty or high
I am a life bearing essential of nature’s thread

I will never be vertical
Be shady or refuge for others
Like you, I will not be identical

I am a gentle, leafy spreading soul
Spreading horizontal on mother earths  bosoms
Yes, I am what I am, total and whole

Thanks to you, myself I can see
A beautiful perfect living breathing life
I am a vine, I now know, not a tree

“No Good Deed Goes UNPUNISHED” Is it Really True?

Every day when I drive in my car, I see people walking on the streets carrying heavy items, like several bags of groceries in their two hands. Some days I see others trying to cover themselves from heat, rain,  cold or even snow in rough weathers.

Source: “No Good Deed Goes UNPUNISHED” Is it Really True?