Purposefully Un-Purposeful

Tired, no no exhausted, no no worn out at my wits ends
So when I opened my eyes I heard God
Blasphemy and compliance and I humbly bowed
I heard His Omnipotence never bends

I gave it all, so I thought
I cried and I felt anxiousness and guilt
Wrath Beyond hell I presumed I got
And then I skewed my ideology just a tilt

Worshiping, egolessly, I was Purposefully Un-purposeful
Beyond my own nagging questioning  intellect I had allowed
I was such a disciple so devoutly dutiful
Devoted surrendered completely yet missing something, I had bowed

But that little skew that little tilt
Gave me the true God I was in search of
Yet all alone I was; loneliness was not my default built
I was always missing the tilt of self love

Selflessly took the fall
Searching for the one true love
The soul that promised me to be all
I met you in the oddest cove

I wrote here and I wrote there
Splashing shot down soul, I went hither and tither
I madly saw the love u have and the care
And without my soul how you are about to wither

I knew, it was you
Without my belief, in you, un loved
I saw your soul turning blue
My devotion for you in you I shoved

I knew the withering body will re ignite the soul
I knew the life and laughter will come back in you
I knew you will see me and fill your whole
Your belief will never be me, only be You

Cos when any one love anyone in this earthly body and give importance
It’s soulless
Unbelievable for you when I worship you and call you omnipotence
You thought I am purposeless

I know my end and my beginning –  You My life
You have a purpose and objective – Your life
What to be as clear as Luna Plena
Me your purposefully Un-purposeful worshiper

So you drop me like a hot potato
Your purpose is un met – You won’t be my wife
You tilted you skewed made me rotten tomato
Remember everything calling me your life

who was scared giving it all
In your own love, how many times you beat me
I stood tall
You gave up you admitted you couldn’t be

Where and what it came down to
So lonely and bitter again and poisonous
You are back in black and blue
How does it feel to make a devotee monstrous?

It’s all good,  I knew my place from day one
Accuse me, I am the bridge people walk on
A tool to step up and then with me be done
Call me names night till dawn

So what if you think I don’t want you the way you need me
So what if I am not able to show you the need I have for you
Your thoughts made you decide, not me, but you be free
The day you knew you just walked out thinking that’s what I would do

So my ego says un purposefullness has been fulfilled
Purpose has been met
All my senses are again killed and killed
You took back all you gave, there isn’t any debt

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I want to slap my head
No it’s not hurting
But spins like a Ferris wheel
When I got out of my bed

Like some million bees
Marching in my ears
Crawling and n numbing my senses
Get out of my head please!

The high notes are sharp in my ears
Whistles from hell, non-stop
I want to poke them ears to stop this noise
Crazy ain’t it cos no one else hears

Oye! these damned pests in my head
These noisy whistles in my ears
These deafening sounds filling my senses
These mind fucking feelings -Kindly Buzz off

Are You Lonely?

Are you happy?

when you hear echoes of your voice

calling out my name no surprise

none of us played any game

your own reasons to stay away are lame

Are you sad when you turn around 

In your bed, the memories of Bethesda nights

each gesture each laughter moaning echoeing all the love and fights

But now not one love making sound.

And nothing to touch or feel 

Are you lonely when you stare at your phone hiding your helplessness 

And for hours you hear notification of nothingness  singing the songs of your loneliness?

yes you and I are real … 

no one has to be clever 

You make these faces and the jaw tightens 

And the eyes have more agony than ever

so yeah pain heightens

You are not better off without me

But you will be soon truly free 

I am always here 

don’t just stare 

shed your ego out

show yourself you truly care – shout!

or you rather hear yourself saying coldly 

Baby are you Lonely?

Wearing My Wounds Over My Clothes

Wearing My Wounds
Wearing My Wounds Over My Clothes

Wearing My Wounds Over My Clothes

He said
Pink Floyd’s “The Wall” was my favorite
To build the walls around me
The air I breathed surrounds me
But I felt safest
Lonely and the only way to feel  protected

‘Cos every time
Wearing my wounds over my clothes
Only got me exposed
For others to violate me
And I couldn’t help but let them

At the end of this blog I have a question to ask all of you.

As a life coach. I  came from a challenging soul’s struggles meeting tonight. He is classified as clinically depressed. I heard him carefully. I can’t mention names or actual events to keep the identity and events private. Needless to say, he thinks he is broken. He is not fixable. Actually believing he needs to be fixed.

My own belief and experience (and it can be absolutely wrong belief, but I chose to believe it anyways) has taught me that unknown behaviors and complex lifestyles of people are named by certain professionals dangerous or broken or diseased. When in fact the alignment only requires certain special kind of attention in most of those people.

Mostly, it is about how willingly one is ready and able to communicate with oneself effortlessly. How one person is willing to be easy on oneself by accepting and being proud of oneself. How one can recognize himself or herself without seeking others approvals.

The thoughts I suggested to this person are and I ask you all the same. Answer each question as best as you can. I expect his answers tomorrow at the next session

  1. Can he be proud of the wounds irrespective of who has given those wounds to him?
  2. Can he expect to have relationships with others when he doesn’t even have relationship with himself?
  3. Define what he means by communication?

Toodles all…have a blessed day/night with your self.

Mother Earth

Mother Earth

Hello Mother…Earth!
I am that mother fucker.
Who have pounded you,
I have kamasutrad your body
In showing you my superiority
Of my Being-ness.

My exploits are visible
On you.
Inside you, is the dump of my sins
beating and bleeding hearts
Rage erupts in volcanoes and dies off
But my rage as your Molester
Lives forever
I am Seven Billion strong and growing
And you?
Just one bitch

Mother, I fuck you daily and I live off of and on you
I have made species extinct on your bosoms.
I have created mass extinctions of races
In the names of religions

Mother I rape you daily,
Yet it’s not satisfying,
I want more, I dug your body
To bury piles and piles of shit
Non degradable.

Mother, I have screwed you brains out
Your Ozone layer I ripped
Like Hymen off a virgin, bleeding!
Yet you don’t say a word.
You keep loving me and
I keep fucking you
My innate nature of possessiveness
Inspires me

My viral being’s self indulgence
Is the proof of my power
I will ride you like I ride a whore
And I ride you daily
And I shall keep at it.

I sell you in pieces.
I invade others to acquire
Everything that exists
Inside. My Bigotry
Is unbound.
Mother Earth, Listen you fat useless cow!
I will milk you
Till every part of your body is
Reaking  pollution.
My doing, My doing
I stand supreme and proud!

Yes Mother
When I was born it was the day
You started dying
I am that, mother!
I am that…

I am Human!

I am the only inhabitant
That will consume you
In the name of peace,
Safety, sincerity, truth
and justice.
I will keep fucking you
I will milk you dry
Till you are no more…