Dictator Me

How is that our governments are preaching Democracy yet our own attitudes are dictatorial? Trying to be control freaks so others wont take advantage of our daily lives. From corporations to individuals we are all trying so hard meaninglessly. Yet we all know from our own experiences, harsh ones and not so harsh ones, that now a days the moment we close our eyes even for one single thing we get screwed over.

Yes that makes us dictators. Protecting ourselves from other peoples fire.
Billing issues
Customer Service issues
Boss issues
Political employee issues
Car traffic issues
Shopping issues

Dealing with things that one has to rely upon others is becoming a tradition.
You wait for everyone, doctors, mechanics, grocery, telephone



Wearing My Wounds Over My Clothes

Wearing My Wounds
Wearing My Wounds Over My Clothes

Wearing My Wounds Over My Clothes

He said
Pink Floyd’s “The Wall” was my favorite
To build the walls around me
The air I breathed surrounds me
But I felt safest
Lonely and the only way to feel  protected

‘Cos every time
Wearing my wounds over my clothes
Only got me exposed
For others to violate me
And I couldn’t help but let them

At the end of this blog I have a question to ask all of you.

As a life coach. I  came from a challenging soul’s struggles meeting tonight. He is classified as clinically depressed. I heard him carefully. I can’t mention names or actual events to keep the identity and events private. Needless to say, he thinks he is broken. He is not fixable. Actually believing he needs to be fixed.

My own belief and experience (and it can be absolutely wrong belief, but I chose to believe it anyways) has taught me that unknown behaviors and complex lifestyles of people are named by certain professionals dangerous or broken or diseased. When in fact the alignment only requires certain special kind of attention in most of those people.

Mostly, it is about how willingly one is ready and able to communicate with oneself effortlessly. How one person is willing to be easy on oneself by accepting and being proud of oneself. How one can recognize himself or herself without seeking others approvals.

The thoughts I suggested to this person are and I ask you all the same. Answer each question as best as you can. I expect his answers tomorrow at the next session

  1. Can he be proud of the wounds irrespective of who has given those wounds to him?
  2. Can he expect to have relationships with others when he doesn’t even have relationship with himself?
  3. Define what he means by communication?

Toodles all…have a blessed day/night with your self.

Letting Go

Letting Go

The hardest thing is to keep holding on to death
When I suffocate people around me with my prescence
Physically or mentally
They hold on to me
Unknowingly how I am effecting them
They have no clue
They just love me so much
They know my misery
I am cold, aloof, and so loving
They wouldn’t want to let me go

Then with one jerk,
I separate all their
expectations from them
Towards me

Letting Go
Is the best thing I do for them
To them
Who really cares about me anyway?

Who Owns Me

My pleasant nature
My shyness
Innocence disposition
With anguish hands
Waving goodbye
To my sanity
At my minds departure

Who owns me
Who owns me
A little piece
Or a chunk
In your hands
In your lives
Who owns me

If not me
If not you
Then my memories
Tangled and lit
Pieces of me with you
Our times together
But shed them all away
Unwantingly putting to rest
So easily

Who owns me
With my monsters
But my mind
Faster and faster
Spinning to reject
Or overcome
Subsiding all that’s around
One by one rationality
Seize to exist
I see it flee

Rambles and stutters
Irritations and blockages
Empowered paranoia
Frustrations with rages
Overwhelming bursts
Outrageous yellings
Swears and curses
Snap snap and uncontrollable
Words it utters

Who owns me
If not me
These actions
Desperation and depressions
Irrationalities of my existence
Denying normalacies of you
In confusions
Lost in my slavery
I laugh at my mind’s chains
Wholeheartedly and free

If you are sane
Normal and not vain
Then what am I?
If you are happy with
Stresses and depressions
Of life’s rat races
Pushing and shoving
Pulling and burying
Again and agian
Then I must be in pain

I asked myself
Who owns me
And I see
My pieces
Reaching out from within
All of you
I cant escape
So I deny
And live by
And away
Hiding and placing
Breaking and making
Decorating my heart
With my minds creativity
Who will own me
I have a place for you
Right here
On my new shelf

Battery Life 45% – SMART LIFE CARE

Sometimes, no matter how much I charge myself reading all these uplifting authors here on WordPress, the poets, and inspirational gurus with the formulas of life or even the psychiatrist so called friends with free and friendly diagnoses of me upon my tireless insistence for the diagnoses, I feel chargeless with battery life and on power saving mode with almost barely visual life screen. Such as on my smart phones and smart devices.

Yes most of us knows this. Nothing works. Except that intolerable mood of feeling nothingness. Draining, exhausting, head spinning , foggy mindset.  No religious rituals, no yoga, no zen, just true selfless existence. And immediately our brains start comparing our nothingness with artificial busy-ness of others as productivity and non-productivity. Getting sucked into more depressive and pointless thoughts.  Do you know why? Because I am going to share my why here:

I want to call it Battery life 45%. This 45% battery life is self awareness of outer world by comparison.

              Why am I not able to do this at all, while others seems
to be able to do it so easily? How many times will I have to try?
How come they did it once and it works? Why can’t I? I am so tired

Yes we all know the feelings.

Then is started realizing this nothingness to be more true. This is who we are. We just never are attracted to artificial training and recharging of BATTERY LIFE 45%. I noticed that SELF AWARENESS to be my true self which others may have been able to hide to stay 45% powered in this economics of life.

So now after realizing I have two awareness, I learned to practice on both the awareness.   My so called void is 55% me. My battery life 45% is induced environment. I am more empowering on myself than others. I want the shift from 55% to 45% and vice versa whenever I want to, without feeling or putting myself down.

I started making small note on my smart phone. And I will check the battery life as my anchor to know how it represents my inner and outer mode. I relate my smart phones battery life as an indicator of my daily and hourly awareness life. When I see battery low on my smart phone I must recharge it to keep it at 100% for both awareness.

My charging plugs (Mantra) for inner 55% of true awareness’s  and Battery Life 45% are:

Be easy and be kind to myself. Embrace Myself however I am charged.
And stay kind to myself.
So when I am about to be involved in a challenging 45% worldly mandatory awareness
I make a timeless note for the day. My daily accomplishment database of
Things to survive on-
Breathing deeper and fuller for 10 minutes in a place I love to be in my mind after every few hours
Eating meals that are pallet happy and sensory happy
Making use of smart phone for reminders of same things via reminders at least 9 times a day
Embracing that whatever I remind myself will become part of my 55% and replace 45% and
Recharge me 100%.
In small tasks, in small intervals
I truly avoid people who don’t value my time
If a doctor says 11:50am appointment they better see me at 11:50am.
Here is why: If they can’t value or respect my time and make me wait, they surely can’t (Inability due to absence of respect for themselves) take care of my health.
This goes for every professional you hire to do the job you can’t do.

Walk out and away from such battery draining people in your life. Find others.

People are like apps. Some apps use your battery life more than others unnecessarily, or invade privacy, or create phishing viruses. Uninstall them out of your smart life. Pronto!
They make your smart life full of unwanted battery drainage.

Install App Managing device in your head by monitoring yourself. The Remove these Apps by uninstall app in your mind.

Your life is like a smart phone with irreplaceable battery.  When battery dies life dies.
Protect from over drainage and over usage. Prevent from Over heating.

Install useful apps
Uninstall battery draining or burdensome apps
Keep your screen and smart life at 100% Battery life.
Charge your Battery daily.
Keep the Smart Life virus free by protecting it with firewalls.

Peace for me and you all.